I don't get angry often...
FUCK YOU! FUCK YOU! FUCK YOU!
Chemo, 5 rounds of it. The markers looked promising. Her hair loss disturbed her, but she adjusted, she took control and shaved her head, wears funky kerchief things. She actually had some sliver of hope, some tiny light in her eyes, for the first time since you came out of hiding, asshole.
The CT scan proved otherwise. Not only is the tumor NOT shrinking at all, but there is an 'anomaly' in bone density in her spine and pelvis. Ya, cuz you taking over her fucking liver wasn't enough you sick bastard, you need to invade her bones too.
I know the appropriate response - fuck - I'm a goddamned expert at it, I could teach Crisis Management 101, I'm the queen of handling. I said all the right shit, I did. Now? Now I'm just angry. Angry, and scared - scared that her worst fear of a slow, deteriorating, painful death is what awaits her.
This helpless feeling is one I know well, one I hide well too. My Mother, then my Father, now her. I was rock fucking hard for my Mom and Dad, will be for her too - it's my gift/curse/whatever.
Yup, I'm pissed.
Chemo, 5 rounds of it. The markers looked promising. Her hair loss disturbed her, but she adjusted, she took control and shaved her head, wears funky kerchief things. She actually had some sliver of hope, some tiny light in her eyes, for the first time since you came out of hiding, asshole.
The CT scan proved otherwise. Not only is the tumor NOT shrinking at all, but there is an 'anomaly' in bone density in her spine and pelvis. Ya, cuz you taking over her fucking liver wasn't enough you sick bastard, you need to invade her bones too.
I know the appropriate response - fuck - I'm a goddamned expert at it, I could teach Crisis Management 101, I'm the queen of handling. I said all the right shit, I did. Now? Now I'm just angry. Angry, and scared - scared that her worst fear of a slow, deteriorating, painful death is what awaits her.
This helpless feeling is one I know well, one I hide well too. My Mother, then my Father, now her. I was rock fucking hard for my Mom and Dad, will be for her too - it's my gift/curse/whatever.
Yup, I'm pissed.
Labels: The C Word
posted by MysticSpirit (Sass) at 1:35 PM
10 Comments:
damn girl, that licks
don't have to be strong ALL the time you know
fucking shit evil shit.
I know it too....not that that does a fuck shit of anything.
You can scream at it baby...fucking shit.
You know you need to go read, right?
I am so sorry that you have had to go through this. I really have no idea what to say besides that. I wish I could send better days to you through sheer will.
I've always hated cancer because it's something that grows and when I hear "growth" I automatically think of something good, but this growth is just too fucking cruel.
Stay strong and angry.
I'm so sorry. Words can't really do justice to the pain, suffering and frustration you are experiencing. Its great you can be strong for her, but be sure to take care of yourself, too.
Cancer is a monster. Plain and simple. Scares the fuck right outta me.
With ya, Mystic. Need some strength? Feel free to borrow some to get ya through.
Damn sweetie. Im so sorry, for you both. Love your way...
damn it.
damn it.
It IS a gift. If you can lend some dignity to her during this ugly process, then you have given her an incredibly precious gift. It hurts, yes. My heart goes out to you.
(((mystic)))
im sorry hon. its the worst monster there is.
be gentle with yourself k?
love
maddy
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