Attention
How much is the right amount in a primary relationship?
Generally speaking, I think I'm relatively low maintenance. Very secure, I'm an independent soul, sometimes to the irritation of my husband actually.
There's a balance, ya know - where you feel attended to, valued, important... where your place is assured and a sense of belonging exists, not smothered, not neglected. I find it interesting how people react differently when the balance is off. I have friends who pout and stomp and demand attention - very "HEY! What about me!!??" I've a tendency to the other end of the spectrum, I back away - more "You know where I am, you'll pay attention or you won't." I'm not sure either of those is the best choice.
Generally speaking, I think I'm relatively low maintenance. Very secure, I'm an independent soul, sometimes to the irritation of my husband actually.
There's a balance, ya know - where you feel attended to, valued, important... where your place is assured and a sense of belonging exists, not smothered, not neglected. I find it interesting how people react differently when the balance is off. I have friends who pout and stomp and demand attention - very "HEY! What about me!!??" I've a tendency to the other end of the spectrum, I back away - more "You know where I am, you'll pay attention or you won't." I'm not sure either of those is the best choice.
posted by MysticSpirit (Sass) at 3:52 PM
6 Comments:
I'm not sure there is a "right" amount. So much is dependent on the people involved. Some people like you Mystic don't need a lot of attention to be affirmed. Others need a constant dose.
It seems like one of the keys to a good relationship is finding people whose "balance" matches your own. I wouldn't be comfortable with a very needy, clinging woman.
When I feel I'm being neglected, I tend to go the route of backing away as well.
Sort of act like I'm the only one around. If you notice me, ok then. I may throw some hints out here or there but for the most part I withdraw.
Fortunately I've never really been with anyone who smothered me. I don't think I could stand that either.
i think it works best when the balance kinda evens out over time. like - maybe attention is never perfectly balanced between me and another... its like we take turns needin more or less of it ya know?
i do the backin away thang too :/
Being with someone who constantly demands attention SUCKS! I like to do my own thing really. Guess Im more like you..
I'm an attention giver and I give less if it is demanded. Possibly even shutting down. Trust me, I'm going to give, just relax and take it.
I love attention.
Unfortunately what I get is usually the negative sort.
It's a gift I have. . .
Post a Comment
<< Home