Sheep and Ants - follow blindly

So Edge's post this morning got me remembering my Catholic upbringing. Is there anything more fucked up than Catholic teaching. We are diametrically opposed, the Catholic church and I, organized religion in general, but the Catholic church in particular. What I learned as a girl:

• if you're 'good' and do what God (that is, the church) wants, you'll be rewarded with entrance to heaven
• if you're tempted not to be 'good', it's God testing you, you must resist if you want to be a good girl
• if you succumb to temptation, you must tell me (cuz I get off on it when I'm you know, spilling the seed I'm not supposed to) and I will dictate some form of penance
• don't think for yourself, just do as we say
• don't question, that's doubting, doubting is bad
• if you 'abuse yourself' it's a direct slight against God (and he gave me a clit because????)
• you have to give the church at least 10% of your earnings, more is better of course and you'll be rewarded in heaven
• you mustn't have sex of any kind before you're married in the church
• you mustn't have sex of any kind unless you're trying to have a child
• you absolutely must not use any form of birth control, ever, period
• if you are promiscuous and fornicate, it's like giving away pieces of your soul each time
• shame, guilt, and fear are the motivation to do 'right', the consequence for not complying, and the best tool the church has to keep you in line, like ants carrying a watermelon
• when the priest diddles some little kid, let's not face it, and make him be accountable, let's transfer him so he has fresh meat... oh, and let's not talk about it, that would be bad
• the priest, in his divine wisdom, is the person you turn to for marital advice
• there is no room for discussion in any of the above
• there is no room for LOGIC in any of the above, just conform like good little sheep
• there is scripture to 'back up' all they teach - and for the record, there's scripture to argue against it too, because the bible is full of contradictions and the whole fucking thing is open to subjective interpretation (turn the other cheek or an eye for an eye? for instance)
• ohhhhh... and let's not forget... it doesn't REALLY matter what you do, because you can be forgiven if you show up on Sunday, have lots of kids, give your 10%, confess, do your 3 Hail Mary's... oh ya, and blow the priest

I could go on all day. Really, ALL day. Sheep Baaaa Baaaaa Baaaaa.

But hey.... to each his own, just please PLEASE don't try to convince me.... I'm not saveable! And.. if I went to confession now, the priest would either have a stroke or cum all over the confessional (or maybe both, not necessarily in that order) - oh, now I'm going to hell!

Ya, and I don't believe in hell either - just a tactic for fear.

OK... rant officially done, for now.