Choking on Religion

It's been an exercise in self restraint not spouting off bout the bullshit this last week was, but I don't have to censor here - so you Catholics might want to skip this post, cuz I'm pissed.

This ain't gonna be thought through, and I'm not gonna edit - I'm just gonna spew, babble incoherent or incomplete thoughts - so consider yourselves warned, continue with caution. I'm a blasphemer and a sinner. I drink, smoke a joint here and there, swear like a trucker, fuck and suck like a whore. Bless me Father for I have sinned ... yup, and I will some more.

Ya know... I just wanna shove something up the proverbial ass of Catholicism. Hard, without lube - a grudge fuck... maybe blow a big sticky wad all over the pew, wipe your dick on the priest's robe when you're done , snack on a couple of communion hosts and swig some holy wine on the way out. Yup. I've said enough Hail Marys, amens, and Thanks be to God's for all of us this last week - I'm positively HOLY!!! Fuck... I think I'm a virgin again! (it's ok, it won't last! *laughing*)

For those of you non-Catholic folk, death generally generates two (at least) ceremonies in the church - The Prayers the evening before where you pray for the salvation of the deceased, for God to have mercy and grant her entry to heaven... and the funeral service itself where, in summary, she is committed to God. So I'm wondering... if more people pray for you at the Prayers, are you more likely to get in, or get a better seat, ride first class?

There was so SO little of MOM in the ceremonies, it sickened me. It was the Catholic church puking on me, it was a marketing event - recruitment, it was formal and artificial. What with all the avoiding temptation, giving your life to the service of Jesus, flesh eating and blood drinking.... I felt more like I was in a sci-fi movie than a funeral to say farewell to Mom.

Where was the celebration of how she touched the world around her, of the mark she left on each of us, of how she loved? Where was the laughter remembering how she showed us how to court joy and be silly, to dance and sing and giggle uncontrollably? Where were the touching stories of how she gave of herself, how our lives were more - better - fuller - safer because she loved us?

Organized religion in general and the Catholic church in particular focus on the hell-fire-damnation-fear inflicting-guilt-shame-shoulds.... it drives me NUTS! I found myself sitting there understanding fully the analogy of sheep - don't think for yourself just do what we tell you...follow blindly, don't question, give us your money, vote how we say, perpetuate the same upon your children so our big corporate church will be sustained. Big business this religion thing.

Clearly I just don't get it huh?

Sheep and Ants - follow blindly

So Edge's post this morning got me remembering my Catholic upbringing. Is there anything more fucked up than Catholic teaching. We are diametrically opposed, the Catholic church and I, organized religion in general, but the Catholic church in particular. What I learned as a girl:

• if you're 'good' and do what God (that is, the church) wants, you'll be rewarded with entrance to heaven
• if you're tempted not to be 'good', it's God testing you, you must resist if you want to be a good girl
• if you succumb to temptation, you must tell me (cuz I get off on it when I'm you know, spilling the seed I'm not supposed to) and I will dictate some form of penance
• don't think for yourself, just do as we say
• don't question, that's doubting, doubting is bad
• if you 'abuse yourself' it's a direct slight against God (and he gave me a clit because????)
• you have to give the church at least 10% of your earnings, more is better of course and you'll be rewarded in heaven
• you mustn't have sex of any kind before you're married in the church
• you mustn't have sex of any kind unless you're trying to have a child
• you absolutely must not use any form of birth control, ever, period
• if you are promiscuous and fornicate, it's like giving away pieces of your soul each time
• shame, guilt, and fear are the motivation to do 'right', the consequence for not complying, and the best tool the church has to keep you in line, like ants carrying a watermelon
• when the priest diddles some little kid, let's not face it, and make him be accountable, let's transfer him so he has fresh meat... oh, and let's not talk about it, that would be bad
• the priest, in his divine wisdom, is the person you turn to for marital advice
• there is no room for discussion in any of the above
• there is no room for LOGIC in any of the above, just conform like good little sheep
• there is scripture to 'back up' all they teach - and for the record, there's scripture to argue against it too, because the bible is full of contradictions and the whole fucking thing is open to subjective interpretation (turn the other cheek or an eye for an eye? for instance)
• ohhhhh... and let's not forget... it doesn't REALLY matter what you do, because you can be forgiven if you show up on Sunday, have lots of kids, give your 10%, confess, do your 3 Hail Mary's... oh ya, and blow the priest

I could go on all day. Really, ALL day. Sheep Baaaa Baaaaa Baaaaa.

But hey.... to each his own, just please PLEASE don't try to convince me.... I'm not saveable! And.. if I went to confession now, the priest would either have a stroke or cum all over the confessional (or maybe both, not necessarily in that order) - oh, now I'm going to hell!

Ya, and I don't believe in hell either - just a tactic for fear.

OK... rant officially done, for now.