I Am Demon Woman

So we had company on Monday night. This couple is like us in that they've been together since high school. They are unlike us in many ways too - he has explored outside the marriage but she knows nothing about it - we have a more open exploration policy.... she is conservative - I'm, well... not.

She (L) and I got into a conversation about the societal expectations on women to look a certain way in order to be acceptable to men, attractive to men. L's examples of this were things like wearing high heels, make up, dressing sexy, long hair, sexy clothing, attempting to keep a taut body, fighting the natural aging process.

Now let's remove the fact that I LIKE many of those things for a moment and address it philosophically.

L believes this pressure to be a certain way is initiated and sustained by men. My point to her was that I believe women are at least AS responsible if not more so than men for perpetuating an image of what a woman should be that may or may not fit what most of us are. It isn't men buying Cosmo, Elle, In Style and the like... it's women! The fashion industry is also driven in large part by women. Even the media machine of celebrity worship and advertising is certainly not sustained by men alone.

In addition, men respond to many different types of women, not that presented ideal alone. I am not a perfect 10 by any stretch. I have had 3 children, carry probably 15 extra pounds, and I was no super model when I was 18, let alone now. Still, men respond to me all the time, ask me out, show interest - so clearly THEY aren't stuck on this societal picture of perfection gracing the fashion covers each month as being the only form of female worth attention.

Women and our competitive nature are partly what fuel the image machine. L wanted to blame men. I simply don't see it that way.

We never addressed the porn industry - clearly a little more male driven... but I think she may well have required CPR for that conversation.