Just in case you wondered...

Bees do, indeed, do it! Found these guys getting busy at the park near my house!

Peace Lives Here

East Sooke Park

It absolutely POURED rain - it was a monsoon. We had water running off our bodies like you do when you're in the shower. It was FUCKING AMAZING.

I love the ocean. I love the rain. I love quiet, uninhabited beaches. I love family loving and laughing. Sunday, I had it all.

The tree is Arbutus - really cool trees, I've only ever seen them here on the Island.

I swam out to the rocks in my clothes and sitting on my own little island, in the pelting rain, I found peace, let it wash over me like the waves.

********************************************************

Edge! EDGE!!!! Did ya see? Did ya SEE???? I posted a picture! That's like... almost technical and shit!!!! *grin*

I don't get angry often...

FUCK YOU! FUCK YOU! FUCK YOU!

Chemo, 5 rounds of it. The markers looked promising. Her hair loss disturbed her, but she adjusted, she took control and shaved her head, wears funky kerchief things. She actually had some sliver of hope, some tiny light in her eyes, for the first time since you came out of hiding, asshole.

The CT scan proved otherwise. Not only is the tumor NOT shrinking at all, but there is an 'anomaly' in bone density in her spine and pelvis. Ya, cuz you taking over her fucking liver wasn't enough you sick bastard, you need to invade her bones too.

I know the appropriate response - fuck - I'm a goddamned expert at it, I could teach Crisis Management 101, I'm the queen of handling. I said all the right shit, I did. Now? Now I'm just angry. Angry, and scared - scared that her worst fear of a slow, deteriorating, painful death is what awaits her.

This helpless feeling is one I know well, one I hide well too. My Mother, then my Father, now her. I was rock fucking hard for my Mom and Dad, will be for her too - it's my gift/curse/whatever.

Yup, I'm pissed.

In Love

Yup, I am. Totally. Completely hooked, fallen, done like dinner.

He's dark.

He has smoldering eyes that turn extremely cute sometimes and make me giggle out loud.

He's full of energy and playful as hell.

He's very snuggly and kisses, a lot.

He makes me smile no matter what kind of mood I'm in - the inside out kinda smile.

His name is Diesel.

He happens to have four legs.

He's absolutely adorable.

He's a friend's puppy and he's been coming to work with me here and there and stayed at the house with me last night.

He's reminded me how much I miss having a dog - it's time!

Sometimes...

...she is soft

...she feels wounded

...she isn't fearless afterall

...she doesn't want to be strong

...she can't hide everything

...she aches

...she needs to be touched, gently

...she is unsure

...she wants to be held, enveloped

...she trembles with vulnerability

...she has trouble breathing

...she bleeds

...she says it out loud

...she screams with her mouth closed

...she gets tired

...she lets her tears escape

Curse String

Sooo.... my family has a curse string. It's a string of curse words said in the same order each time, and as long as I can remember, my family has used it. Being French on one side and Irish on the other (no wonder I'm such a bitch) I'm uncertain which side of my passionate heritage passed down this delightful tradition!

Shit Bugger Damn Poop!

When I met my husband, imagine my surprise, when I found his family had a curse string too, Good Brits that they are!

Shit Piss Fuck Damn Knickers!

Soo... I'm wondering.... has anyone else heard of such things or have their own family legacy of smut words used for you know, receiving a speeding ticket, toe stubbing, dish dropping or general annoyance?

Fading

I have a serious mid-afternoon droop on! Coffee's dripping, but I'm thinkin' no amount of caffeine is gonna get my groove on now, but I gotsta try.

I just wanna curl up in my bed and become unconscious for a few hours. I want to feel the breeze on my skin as I lay naked on the cool cotton sheets drifting off to dreamland.

*sigh*

It's 1:16pm - that's a LONG way away from paragraph two up there!

*pout*

Spiritual Prosperity

Ever find yourself surprised at how deeply someone can touch you, affect you? I'm there right now. I opened that door - way back down there in the posts, remember? That scent of could be... I had no way of knowing for sure... just that instinct... but here I am... and I'm overcome.

I'm so SO thrilled I heeded that inner wisdom, that I opened that door.

Gratitude

How did I get so lucky?

Why is it I have such amazing souls in my life?

How is it my Spirit is internally content, grounded, alive?

It's not that everything in life is perfect for me, but I have... this faith, a surrender maybe.

I am just so SO filled with gratitude I feel like I might explode!

I like to go FAST

I got stopped for speeding, again. I think this particular officer has actually stopped me before earlier this year.

I have been stopped no less than 8 times for speeding in the last 10 months... I have received one ticket but with only half the regular fine ( he told me he HAD to give me a ticket because I had a warning logged in the previous 30 days) *laughing*

Now, I think I know why they don't give me tickets... I just don't get it. They're BOOBS! They're EVERYWHERE for Godsakes! Now, understand, I'm not bitching... I like not having to pay out for my lead foot... but it does perplex me.

I don't really TRY to get out of the ticket... I don't cry or plead or tell a story. I smile, I might flirt a little. My guy friends say it's a combo of eyes, smile and boobs (not necessarily in that order) and that I don't try to get out of it or challenge their authority.

My husband laughs, but it pisses him off too - the inequity of it- he's gotten a ticket and fine each time he's been stopped in his lifetime. I figure... I'll take a break when I can get it! *laughing*

A la Bono...

The first bit of this song... says it all...

Tough, you think you've got the stuff

You're telling me and anyone

You're hard enough

You don't have to put up a fight

You don't have to always be right

Let me take some of the punches

For you tonight

Listen to me now

I need to let you know

You don't have to go it alone

-from the song Sometimes You Can't Make It On Your Own, U2

Comfort and Loving LIfe

There are things we turn to for comfort... sometimes because we're weary, but sometimes, just to indulge and enjoy or celebrate life huh? Just a few things...

• cool sheets in summer
• actually, my bed in general (it's cozy)
• my Dad's arms snuggin' me
• icecream (from the Evil Shack, of course - currently mango)
• the rocking chair with an infant, the scent of a baby
• herbal tea - lemon, black current, peach
• popcorn and the right movie
• soulful music
• the ocean - sound smell sight feel
• wind blowing through leaves
• the rain - I love LOVE LOVE the rain
• my children's smiles and belly laughs - eyes all lit up full of life
• my husband's pit (you know, all snuggled in on his chest... we call that pit)
• hugs
• someone who knows me... really knows... and loves me anyway - the few I can be weak with
• writing
• a bath with vanilla, and a glass of red wine
• candles
• singing
• sunflowers
• a back rub, jojoba oil and vanilla (given or received)
• getting stoned with a friend
• your eyes - yes, you know who you are
• skinny dipping
• having my toenails painted
• puppies
• blowing bubbles
• looking at photos

Soothing, playful, exciting, tantalizing, appreciating, engaging... living.