I was asked yesterday "how did you get to be so comfortable with a subject that creates conflict for so many?" --- I hadn't really thought of it in those terms. I am fascinated by human behavior, by what motivates each of us in whatever direction we choose. Sexuality, is just a part of that.... but, because it encompasses the intense human conditions - primal aggression, lust, love, fear, pleasure, pain, possession, euphoric bliss, need, ache, surrender to name a few -how a person manifests this part of themselves is incredibly interesting to me.
It is innately messy... complex, confusing, exciting, uncertain, fabulous. So I found myself chuckling at the word "comfortable" in that question posed to me. I love the topic itself. I love the unraveling of self, of boundaries , the hurdling "nevers" that happens when an encounter with another begins, evolves... and the intimate connection that touches you, changes you, leaves a mark on you. Little etchings in the soul - some deep and meaningful, some fleeting, some leave a scar, all have a story. There are no accidents.
So I answered this way... "Comfort isn't really the right word. Sex, sexuality and all it entails, is not really safe ground for most of us... it's exciting, it exposes you in ways nothing else does, it entices, for some it embarrasses. My intrigue in it has a voracious appetite that overcomes the normal social boundaries, enabling me to talk about things some steer away from, that's all."
In the book Soul of Sex, Thomas Moore talks about our western world having lost Eros. Sexuality, sensuality, has become this thing we put on a shelf to take down when we want to use it, then return it. In our society it is wrought with conflicted morality, shame, guilt and over simplified to the physical.
Eros - is something innate in the human condition, a part of us that is meant to be present in our everyday... in the glimpses and glances, the flirtations, the adornment of our bodies with clothing, jewels, red lips, piercings and tattoos... the butterfly tummies, the breath-catching tremble, the skin-tingling touch, the heat, the pursuit, the hunger - all of it.
I think... in our world, the fear of judgement, the fear of being truly exposed to another - physically, emotionally, mentally, spiritually - limits many in their experience of Eros, hell, limits our experience of life, period.
From The Invitation, by Oriah Mountain Dreamer:
"The consequences of moments of deep intimacy with yourself, another, or the world are completely unpredictable. When we learn how to truly be present with our joy, our sorrow, with our longing and our desires, layer upon layer of our selves and the world are revealed. We cannot know in advance what this revelation will look like or what action it will inspire or compel us to take.
"If we have based parts of our lives on lies, or truths that no longer hold, however well intentioned or unconscious, the changes that deep intimacy evokes can look very dangerous. We cannot tell in advance which aspects of our carefully constructed sense of self, if any, will survive."
She calls it 'living fully awake' - it's being willing to risk, to open, to feel the entire spectrum of living. We run from Eros as a society because it challenges us, it's unsafe, unpredictable, unknown, untidy.
Eros can be a touch on the arm - compassion, affection, support. It can be soft, tender, rapture. It can also be animal hunger, grunting, thrusting, taking. It's all and everything in between, magical, mystical, divine. I choose to open to it, that part of my humanness, and I am rewarded again and again.
Fabulous books, both of them. Life enriching stuff.
