My Dad...

• had a Buddha belly, usually brown from the sun
• loved to laugh and found humour all around
• was as grounded a soul as I have ever known
• rarely got really angry - I only remember him yelling once
• loved
• was open about his mistakes, genuine
• did better when he knew better
• taught me about integrity.... what you do when no one is looking and you know you can't get caught sill leaves you to look yourself in the mirror, leaves you knowing even if no one else does.... so make your choices with that in mind and peace will be yours
• could FART! oh my god
• valued simplicity in his life, was not materialistic though he did achieve a comfortable affluence
• taught me that contentment is something inside and can exist if you live in a shack or a mansion
• did everything in his life by... just doing it
• was strong, made me feel safe
• was an amazing Grandpa to my eldest (the others didn't get to know him)
• taught me that laughter was a powerful thing
• was loyal, compassionate, and generous
• I miss him every day

I want to live fully awake

from Oriah's book The Call, page 32

"Walking asleep, moving in the world disconnected from our essential core, can be dangerous; it means our choices are based not on an accurate picture of what is but on what we want or fear is true. At best, actions based on an inaccurate picture of what is are unlikely to succeed in creating the change we desire. At worst, they will create greater suffering."

and

"Beyond the obvious choices to move away from what is by using a variety of substances – food, alcohol, nicotine, drugs, caffeine – the culturally preferred way of making sure we don’t wake up is to keep ourselves perpetually exhausted with constant activity, endless work, and the consumption of overwhelming amounts of information: to DO continually."

Taking A Page...

from those Dixie girls...


"I'm through with doubt
there's nothing left for me
to figure out
I've paid a price
and I'll keep paying"

What a difference a day makes!

Tuesday... my car was crunched while parked on the street by my work....hit and run - fucker.

Today.. the first customers of my day... a truck full of fire fighters. Damn! Like it wasn't already HOT outside. NUMMY!!!!!

*evil grin*

My Father's Eyes

Nine years and still not a day goes by I don't think of you, wish I could talk to you, ask what you think, want desperately to hug you.

Not one day.

And, I am reminded of you often by what remains... *smiling*

Little John - K - is JUST LIKE YOU. . He has your dimples, your smile, the glint in your eyes. His Spirit is like you too - strong, compassionate, and damn the boy can hug. Papa, you'd be SO proud of him.

I ache for your wisdom and you are still the measure of integrity for me....What would Dad do? What would Dad say? What compassion can be found here that I'm missing? How would Dad deal with this?

And that "Man in the Mirror" thing you taught me is still how I govern my actions and what I teach the boys.

I miss you every day. I love you Papa.

Perfect Timing...

My husband found me last night while we were doing different things, to share with me something he heard from Wayne Dyer:

*

I would rather be loathed for who I am than

loved for who I'm not

*

Mr. Dyer said in one sentence what I was trying to say down there in the "Faithless" post. It's his affirmation for dealing with family drama. Fascinating huh? *chuckling* It's a simple sentence, simple message. Simple isn't the same as easy, but there is a huge peace in that kind of simple truth.

*

I will not be someone I'm not so you are more comfortable. Deal with it.

*smiling*