Probing and Poking

Today the tests begin. Today, starts the western-medicine process of elimination they call determining diagnosis. Blood disorders, thryroid, cardiac enzyme levels, minieral content, tumor, MS, MD, CF - all of it, they're testing for all of it. Failure to thrive, they're calling it. Very clinical sounding, isn't it. After these tests, he'll undergo a CT scan of his brain, an ultrasound, and possibly and MRI.

The look in his eyes yesterday at the doctor - pleading, help me mom, I don't want to mom eyes.

But, I'm the parent. This is what's best, we have to find out what's wrong. Thing is... I'm so - SO not a western medicine philosophy kind of chick, that I'm not sure I DO believe that. *sigh*

So I have the name of a Chinese medicine guy, he's also an MD.

He's Magic, and I can't fix what's hurting him.

He touches anyone who comes into contact with him, my middle child. I hear "there's something about that child" all the time. He's a delight, his spirit has a purity. He seems to feel what others feel, seems to be able to get through the normal barriers we adults construct around us. Big blue eyes that look right into your soul and just melt ya. This isn't just the extremely biased opinion of an adoring parent, there really is something about him. He engages people, even people who wouldn't ordinarily respond to a child can't help but interact with him and leave the encounter smiling. Even people who deal with children all the time notice. I see it over and over again.

I don't know if there's anything more intense than worrying about a sick child. Ya see, he's been different since before he entered this world - and he's had too many challenges in his little life. He's stopped eating now. Two days, grape juice only. He's so tiny for 4 years old - looks 3 or even a larger 2. No meat to spare on those beautiful little bones. Physically frail, but his spirit fills up a room and lifts everyone in it. This weekend, if he still hasn't eaten, we'll have to take him to the hospital - where nothing that happens will make sense to him. He won't understand, and yet I feel like he understands things we never will. I ache - and it's not like any other ache I've known.