ala C

Each player of this game starts off with ten weird things or habits or little known facts about yourself. People who get tagged must write in a blog of their own ten weird things or habits or little known facts.

• I had an extremely religious phase in grade 9 (9th grade in the US) - and I do mean EXTREMELY! I was full blown born again - complete with the superiority complex and condescending attitude for anyone who didn't hold the same opinion. I was gonna save the world, bible in hand

• I was 'the fat kid' in school, until about grade 10 - hence the end of my religious phase *laughing*

• I am a whore for the perfect bite - every bite counts. If I get to the end of a sandwich and the mayo didn't quite reach there, or it's missing ham - I'll get up and do what needs to be done to fix it. If that final forkfull of salad is naked because the dressing missed it, that can (and will) be corrected. If I'm at the end of a meal and that last bite needs... salt, so be it. My Husband laughs at me, but hey.... the perfect bite is a beautiful thing!

• I have a crooked pinkie finger. It's a family thing, my Dad had it, my sister has it, my nieces and nephews have it.

• I'm really not fond of talking on the phone. I mean, I do it because it's better than no contact, but I really don't like it.

• I have a secret desire to own and operate one of those metaphysical-funky spiritual-occult type stores.

• There are some foods I eat in an odd way. When I eat an O Henry, I eat from the outside in, until all that is left is that long nougaty cylinder in the center. When I eat pop corn, I chew off all the crunchy bits leaving only the soft fluffy part - I call them melties - which I eat last. Eating a banana, I will scrape my teeth lightly up the outside, removing the outer portion and leaving the slimy looking inside portion still to enjoy. When I eat a big juicy dill pickle, I use my jaw to crush the flesh inside, suck the juicy pulp out, then eat the shell last.

• I have a bit of a fetish for the cold wet of a dog's nose. Now now... not like that (I put that sort of thing on the other blog)! I just like how they feel, so I'll snuggle up with my Koda and run my finger gently around his nose. Well....! the instructions said WEIRD things!

• I am with earrings as Imelda was with shoes - you really CAN'T have too many!

• I can (and do) serve drinks with my breasts.

Silly Tidbits

Apparently I'm a little cryptic in my writing here, I talk about the big life stuff, but reveal very little about myself and my life. Sooo... I agreed to more detail.

• I've been told I'm like an M & M
• I don't like when my finger nails are short, they are almost always painted and long
• my husband is an amazing soul and the best friend I've ever known - still
• I sang in a rock band many moons ago - it was a time of big hair and spandex
• the Dr. Seuss book - Oh The Places You'll Go is absolutely fabulous
• I live near the ocean, I don't want to live anywhere else
• I miss my parents in a way I can't even find words for
• I was with my Mom when she took her last breath
• I wasn't with my Dad - I desperately wish I had been
• My MIL died last year - I was blessed with TWO amazing Mothers
• I feel all three of them deeply, often
• I loved being pregnant. would love to be pregnant again
• I am the 'baby' of the family, my sister and brother are 10 and 12 years older than me, respectively
• I have been told I'm a lot like my Dad - might just be the best compliment you could pay me
• I have 3 sons - almost 14, 6, and just turned 4
• not ONE of them is a passive soul - Aquarius, Aires, and Scorpio
• Koda is suckling on my toe as I write this (medium dog, 40 pounds - MY ASS, btw - he's gonna be a BIG boy)
• The movie How To Make An American Quilt has such intricately woven life messages, I think I may still not have picked up on all of em!
• my wild side has scared people away before
• I have been to a psychic, I'll go again
• there are a handful of men who have touched me deeply
• a few have left a mark that is permanent (one hasn't even touched me physically)
• I'm profoundly grateful for each
• I love sound of a fire crackling with ocean waves in the background
• I don't like socks, rarely wear them
• I do like sand between my toes, even in November
• I think Grandmas should be plump
• there are a handful of people who have seen me cry - I'm getting better at being more open
• I have plants ALL over my house
• The first cup of coffee in the morning is sacred
• I have very little, if any really, time alone - something I miss and I'm trying to change
• I feel fortunate every day for the parents I was born to and the people in my life
• I swear. A lot.
• I love working with men
• There is an anniversary coming up that makes me smile - you know I love you, am so grateful for you, and love that we 'met' *grin*

I Know Nothing

I have decided the older I get, the less I know. I remember how clear the world was at 18. Damn! I knew everything then!!! All the complicated issues in the world were black and white, defined, positioned in neat and tidy little slots. It isn't only the grey in my hair that is increasing as I age!

I still have beliefs... I still hold them close... though it doesn't always come easy... but I don't KNOW anything.

I believe...

• that we create our world based on what we think
• that what we spend time thinking, is what we draw to our lives
• that being aware of our thoughts isn't always easy
• that things happen for a reason, even when we don't know what it is
• that we can 'choose' to be content by how we choose to think, that we paint our perceptions
• that what we 'feel' is filtered through our thought process and then either accepted and cherished, or rejected and released
• that when we hold on to negative, it somehow serves us to do so and learning what we 'get' from keeping negative in our lives is imperative in learning to release it and create what we truly desire
• that it isn't always easy to know what our true motivations are
• that even when we know, it isn't always easy to admit
• that if we spent more time nourishing our spirits and less time trying to fill ourselves up from the outside, we'd be much more content
• that we are enriched in different ways by different people, each touching us in a unique way, each providing some combination of the human element necessary to feel alive
• that you can be intimately connected to more than one person, unable to imagine your life without each of them
• that emotional trauma is a catalyst for evolution
• that a relationship (be it spousal, friendship, family, lover, friend or any combination of the lot) can fade even if neither party has done anything wrong, that you can love that person insanely and still not be able to make it work
• that you can hold a person in your heart forever, that some touches leave imprints that are permanent
• that sometimes fear of the unknown makes people stay in a safer place, even if it isn't fulfilling
• that I have to have passion in my life to feel whole - passion for life, for adventure, for love, for laughing, for lust

I've Lost Focus

I think in life we learn along the way the things that... work for us in keeping us grounded, focussed, whole. Sure life always throws some shit our way and we get a little off kilter, that's part of living fully awake. But if we've got that grounding, we're like those big inflated clown things with the weight in the bottom, we blow around in the wind, even fall over, but we pop back up, ya know.

This last year, I stopped doing those things I know provide me with grounding. My life got busy, more demands, transitions, unknowns... and I just... slowly stopped feeding my Spirit. I so SO know better than this. I know what happens, and here I am... not quite whole, feeling a little lost, life out of focus, blurry.

Here's what I miss:

• getting my 5 workouts in a week - regularly, consistently - this is about showing respect for my body
• reflecting time... sometimes meditation, sometimes reading something to reinforce my chosen belief system, quiet peaceful time to breathe - alone!
• more outside time - earth energy is powerful, I need it, I know this, I've neglected it too long
• writing time - also something that has been... rushed, slipped in... it needs it's own space in the pie chart of my life
• one-on-one time with my babies... each of them so different, all full of life in the way only children know

I'm doing that counselling thing. I've done a few different types in my lifetime, for specific reasons, always highly successful in moving me forward. For me, it's a way of taking time to look at myself, my life, my direction.

Comfort and Loving LIfe

There are things we turn to for comfort... sometimes because we're weary, but sometimes, just to indulge and enjoy or celebrate life huh? Just a few things...

• cool sheets in summer
• actually, my bed in general (it's cozy)
• my Dad's arms snuggin' me
• icecream (from the Evil Shack, of course - currently mango)
• the rocking chair with an infant, the scent of a baby
• herbal tea - lemon, black current, peach
• popcorn and the right movie
• soulful music
• the ocean - sound smell sight feel
• wind blowing through leaves
• the rain - I love LOVE LOVE the rain
• my children's smiles and belly laughs - eyes all lit up full of life
• my husband's pit (you know, all snuggled in on his chest... we call that pit)
• hugs
• someone who knows me... really knows... and loves me anyway - the few I can be weak with
• writing
• a bath with vanilla, and a glass of red wine
• candles
• singing
• sunflowers
• a back rub, jojoba oil and vanilla (given or received)
• getting stoned with a friend
• your eyes - yes, you know who you are
• skinny dipping
• having my toenails painted
• puppies
• blowing bubbles
• looking at photos

Soothing, playful, exciting, tantalizing, appreciating, engaging... living.

Exposed

I'm strong, can you see? I get that word a lot. And it's true. I'm the example of coping baby, I do it fabulous. Compounded crisis, I'm your girl, watch me bitch slap it into next Tuesday. The raw stuff - the blood and desperation and exposed flesh of life... I'll hold your hand. Throw me some more, I'll fucking juggle, and still stay grounded, together. See how I hold the ones around me up, pillar, fucking rock hard support. Fuck I'm good.

Too good.

Cuz Edge said we should!

*laughing* and I always do what I'm told *still laughing*

Well... it did seem like it'd be fun, and it's not just anyone suggesting it! *grin* But ya know, I am a list virgin...

• I don't much care for cats, love dogs, definitely a dog person
• I enjoy gardening.... something about earth energy... I like to do it barefoot
• I loved being pregnant, felt very whole, very feminine, very spiritual, very sexy pregnant
• I have 3 children, all boys
• I love skin to skin contact... nursing a baby, snuggling in bed naked and the like
• Having children deepened my appreciation for my Parents - they were amazing people
• I have experienced sex with women, I'd like to again
• My drivers license says I have green eyes, people have called them both green and blue, so I don't know
• I did not do any drugs in highschool. I was 30 the first time I smoked a joint. This young 18 year old girl I hired at the bank came to visit when I moved away and said "I'm getting you stoned" *laughing* I just got hungry. I have on only a few other occasions since, gotten stoned. I liked it. I'm fairly uninhibited sober *laughing* I don't need anything to 'take the edge off' - I like the edge *grinning* But seriously, I can get wild when I'm straight, on a substance, I can get illegal
• Yes, they ARE real
• I find balance in life an incredibly difficult thing to attain and maintain - mostly, I don't do balance well, just move from one focus to the next to the next
• The Invitation was a life-altering experience for me
• I've had "paranormal" experiences and while I have skepticism too, there have been multiple things that have me... believing
• I'm used to getting what I want, I try not to pout when, every now and then, I don't
• I swear quite a lot.
• I now work with all men, our customer base is mostly men, and very testosterone-filled manly men at that. I fit in very well *laughing*
• I'm learning about tools and equipment relating to construction - I'm talkin' jack hammers, plate compactors, concrete vibrators, nail guns and of course the necessary implements of power like air compressors. I've even tried testing a jack hammer - but I have LOTS to learn
• I can appear as your classic business professional, but my inner slut is always present - more now than ever in my life. Someone who met me in business and knows me very well now says he could see in my eyes I was a naughty girl - power suit and well heeled or not
• I have been stopped many many times for speeding, I rarely get a ticket
• I know what it is to feel true sorrow
• Death has touched me in ways I cannot express in a list and it has changed me - who I am and how I see the world
• I did not know what it was to truly stand alone in the world until my Father passed over
• The world as it is today, scares me - more for my children and grandchildren - we're destroying it
• I love red wine - the way the liquid moves in the glass, the rich colour of it, the taste - love it
• There are wonderful things that can be done with frozen grapes
• Don't come eat at my home if you don't like garlic - ideally you should believe there can never be too much garlic, then you'll really fit in
• I learned to speak German before I spoke English because we were living in Germany while I was age 2 to age 5 (wish I could remember it now!)
• I'm much more likely to indulge in something salty than I am something sweet - chips and popcorn (made in a pot, with butter!) If I want something sweet, it's cheesecake, chocolate (the good stuff) or ice cream (has to be out of the box)
• My favorite flowers are Sweet Peas, my Grandma grew walls of them, they smell heavenly and there's something.... innocent and pure about them
• I can count on my fingers the number of people who have seen me cry - it's not that I don't or that I think there's anything wrong with it.... just.... being vulnerable isn't something that comes easily to me
• I think it's possible some of us have been here before, likely even
• I'm exceptionally loyal and fiercely protective
• I don't get angry often or easily, but it's severe when it happens
• I don't handle other's anger well - yelling, volatility, hostility - nope, not well at all
• I am a coffee fiend - brown sugar and cream - not skim milk, cream
• I like dangly earrings - to wear em and to see em
• I like women's belly buttons and the round at the side of the breast
• It's good we put the 'no through road' sign up after the last baby, I would want another. I can't wait for the nieces to start having babies, so I can get my fix! *laughing*
• People often tell me things - intimate things - very early in the evolution of a friendship... I'm good with people's secrets
• I can be extremely demanding of the people close to me
• I am sometimes emotionally detached, a coping skill perhaps, and it can be very hard for those in my life who are used to feeling connected. Given my space to process, I always come back though.
• I would not leave a relationship because the other was sexual with someone else, I understand fully the power of sexual intoxication
• I want to travel to Greece and Italy - have always been drawn there
• I have done that dirty dancing thing. I like it. A lot.
• Many people close to me would be surprised and disturbed by my sexual experiences and philosophies. It doesn't trouble me though, I am not ashamed
• I don't do guilt. I'm either OK with something, or I'm not. If I'm not I try to make amends, and failing being able to do that, I do it differently next time. Quite remarkable given my Catholic upbringing - oi - let's not go THERE again
• There is something enticing for me about the Ocean - mystical, healing, soothing but incredibly powerful. I can see it from my home (until the leaves return *giggling*)
• I find the moon enchanting and can spend hours watching it.
• I love the rain.
• I believe humour is an absolute necessity in life.
• I think that "Youth is wasted on the young" phrase has some truth to it
• I've been very surprised at how connected you can feel to someone you haven't met face to face
• I believe you can love more than one person at a time without it diminishing anyone. I think we love different people in different ways. I'm not of the opinion there is only one person in the world for each of us, but many potential loves. Some of us are fortunate to experience incredible loves, I include myself in that category, and I'm grateful
• This list makes me feel exposed, it's quite a strange sensation